If the US joined the voting party

Bloc voting (or if you’re nice, cultural/neighborly voting) is one of the biggest complaints about the contest if your country (*cough*UK*cough*) doesn’t get enough points: Bosnia-Herzegovina gives 12 points to Serbia. Greece and Cyprus do their annual exchange of douze pointe. (Or in this case Greece gives 12 points to the Greek composer who co-wrote the Russian entry). Belarus gives Russia 12 points. And Armenia and Poland grab points from diaspora all over the continent.

As a viewer in the USA, I can’t vote because the US doesn’t participate in the contest. Okay, technically I could vote with the right simcard and a zillion dollars of roaming data fees, but in reasonable situations I can’t.  But what if there was one theoretical/extremely unlikely year where a) I hadn’t heard any of the songs prior, b) didn’t get to watch the performances, and c) had the chance to vote at reasonable charges? I might have to pull a lazy bloc vote. But how would I do that?

Vote for an English-speaking country (UK, Ireland, Malta, or Australia): This will probably be my easiest choice. Malta might be a bit harder to point out on a map, but at least I’ll have a 200% chance that the song that I vote for won’t be co-written by Google Translate. There’s no guarantee that the song is cheesy as a truckload of Parmesan though…

Vote for Sweden: Since I live next door to Ikea live close enough to Ikea to regularly grab their free coffee, I might as well claim I’m sitting in a Swedish settlement and send a “diaspora” vote from the store. That is, if they change the music to something other than Michael Buble and kids screaming about chicken fingers.

Vote for the American: If I feel like doing the work, I could go online and find out if there are any Americans in the contest (like Hannah Mancini, Tamar Kaprelian, or Katrina Leskanich). Also, considering that Canada is less than an hour’s drive away, I could put in a vote for a Canadian as well (like Rykka or Celine Dion). If I misread anything, there’s a chance I might end up voting for an Armenian instead of an American. And no, that’s not from seeing Kardashian tabloid spam at 7-Eleven.

Vote for Iceland: Looking east across the Atlantic, Iceland is probably the closest country in Europe from the USA.

usa to iceland

Vote for Denmark: Nix the Icelandic comment because Greenland is part of Denmark, and it’s even closer to the USA looking east.

Vote for Russia: I’ve got to thank Sarah Palin for pointing out that “she can see Russia from her house.” I might not be able to do that, but at least she confirmed that Russia’s close enough to vote for as a neighbor.

Vote for whatever country your great-great-whatever-ancestor came from: I’m ABC (American born Chinese, not Austrian born Croatian), so I don’t think this would work very well. In that case, I’ll just hand my phone to my friend from uni and let him punch in the number for Finland.

Or there’s the tried-and-true method:

Throw a dart at a map, and vote for whatever country the dart lands on.

Ehhhh….I’ll save my 20 votes for when I get the chance to go to Europe during ESC week then…

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2 comments on “If the US joined the voting party

  1. thatssojacob says:

    Hey Penny! How are you? Did you get my second letter? Check in soon…

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