What if (I was “normal” for one day)

I spent some time debating whether to use “What if” or “What if We,” in the title before finally deciding on Russia’s (overrated) 2013 entry.

Yeah, sure, how many times have people complained about the irony of Russia sending a world peace song while [insert item on the news] is happening in the country? Dina Garipova and the song’s composers keep asking “what if,” though they don’t (or can’t) do anything.

On a smaller scale (as in: shrink the scale from 143 million people and 17 million km2 to just one person who’s barely 160 cm tall), there’s a bunch of “what ifs” in my life. It’s not easy being an undiagnosed case of ADHD who gets told off for “not thinking,” and on really bad days I keep fighting with myself over wanting to be “normal” but to also be “myself.” But how would things work if I didn’t have a mess of brain chemicals sloshing in the wrong levels for one day?

Pretty much how it works right now: If it’s not ESC, barefooting, or food, then I don’t want to talk about it when someone triggers a meltdown.

  1. I would probably be amazed at my ability to drink coffee and feel energized instead of somewhere along the spectrum of mellowed out to passed out on a table snoring. This coffee machine clock would probably be able to better wake me up, and I wouldn’t have the entire house complaining about being forced to listen to Circle of Life at full blast at 6AM.
  2. My head would probably feel silent without the Ohrwurm Network playing in the background. I’d probably be able to finish this post in the expected 20 minutes instead of suddenly wondering what the song playing in my head right now is (currently it’s “Keep your head up” by Tajči, and YES, I’m now complaining about untypeable letters on my English keyboard because I had to copy/paste the č).
  3. I would probably be (slightly) more able to concentrate while reading boring texts and be amazed to be able to think in a straight line instead of going round and round and round and suddenly jumping from rotational motion to Vaidas and Monika’s performance at Eurovision.
  4. I’d probably be able to hold my tongue a little bit better, not saying the first thoughts in my head when someone tells me off. I’d probably write it down later and find out it looks stupid on paper. But at the same time, without the Ohrwurm Network playing in the background, all those insults would hit my head at full blast instead of distractions to prevent another shaking meltdown.
  5. I’d remember to do laundry and cook dinner, unlike yesterday. And probably look over my class-related stuff too. And now that I’ve typed this up, I probably should start doing that early.

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