These words are…so fancy…

Eurovision entries written in English aren’t the deepest pieces of literature in the world. That’s probably a reason why “It’s My Time” (UK 2009) was completed in 2 hours and “Not Alone” (Armenia 2014) in 12 minutes. Then again, the lyrics just have to be catchy and (in most cases) be somewhat coherent. All the composer(s) and lyricist(s) need to do is write a basic cliché love song and add a schlager-friendly tune. After they do that, they just have to dish the song onto a blue plate and add a few handfuls of grated cheese on top. Once they’re done, most of the (non-lactose intolerant) audience should buy it up.

Give me your love, give me all of your love, I’m the one for you…

But once in a while there’s a problem with the lyrics not matching up. There are 2 syllables missing here, 5 syllables there. That word doesn’t rhyme with the word it’s supposed to rhyme with. Then it’s time to pull out their handy thesaurus and try to shove in words that fit in the song. As a result, the 2005 Greek entry was born.

Capricious, addiction, conviction, crucifixion, vicious? Whose idea was it to reach for their high school kid’s SAT or TOEFL study guide and look up words that most people don’t use in everyday conversation unless they host spelling bees? Yes, I get that the words fit the song in syllable count, but did they really have to use them? Or was it just showing off to the rest of Europe that they know how expansive their vocabulary is?

I think I’ll have the chicken salad please…


30 Days of Eurovision Challenge- Day 30

Prompt: Your favourite joke entry

Back when I started the 30 Day challenge, I looked at the last prompt on the list and thought, “Oh, Ukraine 2007.” A few (read: 9) months later I’m looking at the prompt again and that still hasn’t changed. Dancing Lasha Tumbai is still awesome (and blinding with silver overload) as ever.

Also, the dancers look like the happiest people on the planet during those 3 minutes. It’s either that or they’re bouncing off the wall with too much energy drinks. Or both.

Want to see the rest of the 30 Day Challenge posts? Click here to find the rest of the entries.

30 Days of Eurovision Challenge- Day 29

Prompt: Your favourite non-Eurovision song by a Eurovision artist

I spent about half an hour trying to come up with a list my top 10 non-ESC songs (read: I copied every non-NF, non-ESC song by an ESC artist off my phone and tried to reduce the list down to 10 songs) since I couldn’t pick a favourite. I liked “Kingdom in the Sky” since it got me smiling on really bad days, “Yellow House” since I found a personal connection, “Day of Glory” since it’s a great song to skip down the sidewalk to, and so many other songs for other reasons.

And then there was this.

I’m not a big fan of his 2010 Eurovision entry (read: it’s in the grey zone of being too serious to be a joke but too joke-y to be serious, and thanks ex-Soviet nations for giving him points simply because he represented Russia that year), but I love “Gitar.”The song’s so bad that it’s craptastically hilarious. I’m just going to guess that Peter Nalitch made this video with his friends as a joke back in 2007. Jumping around outside and bouncing around the driver’s seat while images from Microsoft Paint move on the screen? He also made sure the lyrics made as much sense as any Eurovision song whose lyrics are co-written by Google Translate. Throw on a thick Russian accent and then everyone (including Peter himself) can make fun of the song. Try not to sing along after watching 30 seconds…gitar, gitar, gitar, gitar, jump on my yaguar, baby you have a possibility play with me…



Want to see the rest of the 30 Day Challenge posts? Click here to find the rest of the entries.

30 Days of Eurovision Challenge- Day 28

Prompt: Your Favourite entry for choreography

I was learning the Cara Mia dance when I almost answered this prompt when I realized that the song was from Mello and not from Eurovision. Aesj. Whoops. At least I’ve got the dance down cold; now it’s time to not get caught at work dancing in front of the time clock.

Well I’m leaving the bakery soon so that won’t be a problem anymore…

Anyways, my favourite entry for choreography (today) is 2300 km away from Stockholm by car if you trust Google Maps (it’s 1860 km as the crow flies) and one year ahead of Cara Mia: Ukraine’s 2008 performance in Beogradska Arena.

It’s still classic 2000’s dance routine, but she doesn’t overdo the choreography like in half of Mello. I used to mime the first part of the performance where she leaned on the box and pointed at lit up sections. I don’t do that as much anymore, but every time I listen to the song I still remember to nod when there’s a beep.

Why didn’t you wake me up

I’m really bad at waking up, especially when it’s still dark outside. I’ll go to bed late because I was on the Internet for too long, wake up late, find out that the bathroom’s already occupied, wait 10 minutes for the shower to clear, finally head downstairs, and find multiple pairs of eyes glaring at me for being over an hour late. That means it’s time to set an alarm, right?

I set my alarm to 6 AM and change up the alarm tones for different days of the week: Cara Mia, Circle of Life, Lev Livet, etc, and I get off the Internet a little bit earlier. The phone’s somewhere in the bathroom, far away from my bed. Unfortunately, it doesn’t go off the next day and it’s the same story all over again. What happened? I accidentally hit an extra button and disabled all my alarms when trying to switch my phone to silent/airplane mode. Whoops…

Screw this, I’m naming my phone Stig.

I’ll skip the pizza though since I’m lactose intolerant. Photo cred- Stig Rästa’s FB

Random Tumblr Quiz

Yay for writer’s block. For now, here’s a random quiz/survey that I shamelessly stole off of Tumblr…

  1. When was the last time you went to a concert? What was it?

Unless you count performances in the Jazz Festival in Montreal this summer, the last I went to was Goran Bregović’s concert in 2011. It kind of sucks that my family’s not big on going to concerts and most of my favourite artists don’t live in the USA/North America.

  1. Is there any kind of music you can’t stand?

Not really. I’m not a death metal fan though, and I don’t like it when the car in the next lane starts blasting death metal with extra bass.

  1. What instrument do you play?

Saxophone in middle school (I’ve got Epic Sax Guy’s solo down cold), a little tin whistle, and hand-flute.

  1. How many CDs do you own? What artists?

I’m actually not sure, since most of the CDs belong to my parents. Most of mine are burned playlist mixes for blasting in the car, though I think I’ve got an Enya CD in my backpack.

  1. Name 3 artists/bands you would like to meet

Why does this have to be so hard to answer? There are too many people that I want to meet, tell them they’re awesome, and give them a hug.

  1. What does your family think about the music you listen to?

They’re not fans of it and have openly said that it sucks, multiple times. It’s either that or whatever I listen to sounds like the same song played over and over.

  1. Do you still buy CD’s? Last CD you bought?

Not really. I did get the Enya CD at the used bookstore at the local library since I wanted it for a few years though.

  1. Do you pay more attention to the tune or lyrics?

I’ll pay attention to the tune first on first listen, but later listens I’ll listen to the lyrics (especially in meltdown/depression/whatever it is mode)

  1. Is there any artist you liked in the past that you don’t anymore?

Does facepalming myself multiple times for ranking Ell & Nikki 8th in 2011 count? (It’s not a bad song, but I don’t even know why it was even in my top 10…)

  1. Can you concentrate on other things when listening to music?

…I plead the 5th

  1. Name your top 5 favourite music videos

I’m going to guess “most watched” YouTube videos recently?

  • “Hello Goodbye”- Erik Segerstedt and Mattias Andreasson (the AC rehearsal when Tone was out)
  • “I See Fire”- Peter Hollens
  • “Guitar”- Peter Nalitch (This is so bad it’s hilarious.)
  • “One by One”- Elize Ryd & Rickard Söderberg (Mello 2015 performance)
  • “Rhythm Inside”- Loic Nottet (Eurovision performance)
  1. Put your phone on shuffle and list the first 10 songs that come up
  • Theme from “My Neighbor Totoro”
  • “Europe’s Skies”- Alexander Rybak
  • “The Wild Song”- Anuna
  • “Ordinary Man”- George Donaldson (RIP)
  • “All Izz Well” from 3 Idiots
  • “High”- Knut Anders Sørum
  • “Glorious”- Cascada (The original version, not the ESC edit)
  • “The Foxhunter”- Celtic Woman
  • “Leave Me Alone”- Alexander Rybak
  • “Success”- Samir & Viktor
  1. Do you sing in the shower?

Yes (Unless shampoo got in my mouth; in that case the answer would be no).

  1. How much time do you spend listening to music?

Depends on how much time I get to plug in headphones. It usually means around 2 hours (when I’m in bed or travelling)

  1. What musical instrument do you want to learn, and why?

Accordion, bagpipes, guitar, hurdy gurdy…could I just say that they’re cool instruments and I love making a lot of noise.

  1. If you were a song, what kind of song would you be?

Either an Irish reel or a Swedish schlager. They seem to be the two types of songs that my heart beats along with in the gym.

  1. What would the world be like without music?

It would suck. A lot. I’d rather be blind than deaf if forced to choose between the two.

Let’s take a groupie

As a person who doesn’t know any Swedish outside the occasional IKEA brand name and a few words from Mello, I was happy to semi-understand part of the lyrics of “Groupie.” Though by semi-understanding, it also meant I was way off for a few things.

For the first few months after Melodifestivalen ended, I misheard Samir and Viktor’s refrain as “Immer mach’ ich Selfies, denn ich bin eine Groupie” (I always take selfies because I’m a groupie). FYI, it’s supposed to be “Inga mera selfies, för vi ska ta en Groupie” (No more selfies, for we’re going to take a groupie). First off, I picked it up in the wrong language. And second, “groupie” was supposed to mean “group selfie” instead of “super fan.” Whoops.

After reading the scrolling lyrics a few times, I managed to pick up the two lines “12345, han och hon och hen,”: “12345, he and she and [singular they].” Though I knew what it meant, it didn’t register until much later that the line wouldn’t have worked in English. Thanks, language purists who keep thinking “they” is only grammatically correct when used in the plural sense. Because if a person uses singular they for pronouns, what you do is refer to the person as “they” and not harp on them for incorrect grammar. Seriously. And they don’t want to be left out of the groupie just because their pronouns don’t fit the binary.