Asexual Eurovision Problems: That Pizza Looks Weird

I’m asexual. According to the dictionary, that means I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. It’s typically not a major problem unless someone tries to convince me through a 2 hour argument that I’m straight while the SO just rolls his eyes sighing, “Not again…” (And FYI:yes, aces can be in relationships.) That is, until I get to a forum or YouTube video and find people commenting about how hot [insert artist here] is. And all I want to do is yell at the computer screen, “Look, I don’t care if it’s 38 degrees Celsius outside. It’s cold; go put a shirt on.” (It helps that I live in the USA and use Fahrenheit sometimes: 38oF is 3.33oC, and that’s definitely too cold to walk around without a shirt.)


Source: Måns Zelmerlöw’s FB

Let’s take example A: Throughout most of the blogosphere, people would probably pay a lot of attention to Måns. That’s probably their center of focus and I wouldn’t blame them. He’s in the center of the picture, is a visually attractive person, and he posts interesting pictures on Facebook/Instagram.

But then I have to shift my attention to his pizza. Or at least it looks like something similar to a pizza. What’s wrong with the pizza? Or is it even a pizza? There’s pepperoni on one side, but the other side looks like the crust got bitten by a mosquito and swelled up to the point that it looks like a demented calzone. Or is it a calzone? Is there any sauce in there, or is it just air? And why has no one noticed? There’s only one comment on his Facebook page regarding the pizza and the person’s only mentioned that it looks like Nederlandse Pizza. And the pizza that the person described looks like a normal pizza on Google Images. Måns, what is wrong with your pizza?!

This is what showed up on Google Images. Besides the bananas it still looks pretty normal.


I think I’m going to have to order some normal, well done pizza to calm down. No, scratch that. Let’s just make noodles at home; I don’t get paid until tomorrow…

maans passport

Come on, there has to be another $5 in there… I don’t have to be a hero of the bank; I just want enough to eat dinner tonight and not be broke…





2 comments on “Asexual Eurovision Problems: That Pizza Looks Weird

  1. […] But aro ace, non-aro ace, or non-ace, can we please agree that something’s wrong with his pizza? […]

  2. […] out of tune, and obnoxiously sighing while watching me go through his Instagram (while complaining how his pizza looks weird), my sister got a little concerned. So after about 5 minutes of trying to deny her suspicions, yes, […]

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