You’re all alone, you’re all alone

[Sorry guys, no 30 Days Challenge post today…]

Yesterday my friend told me that he just asked someone out and wanted to know if I had any tips regarding [insert person he was going on a date with]. I wanted to feel happy for him, but I couldn’t at the time because as of so far my record has been:

  1. Person/Ex-refrigerator I like runs away and refuses to talk to me for over a year, and I spend the entire time confused and waiting for simply an answer. It’s no.
  2. I ask person b) out even though it feels more like returning a favor, and this so-called “relationship” ends due to lack of communication. It’s pretty much just me trying to get over person a) from a few years ago. Also, I literally liked the food on the date more than the person. Oops.
  3. Finding out that I’m pretty much not attracted to anyone anyways… So I’m even colder than the refrigerator, especially the one in my room whose door I kick all the time.

Instead I felt jealous that my friend could ask someone out, get a response in less than 24 hours, and have that response be yes. I’m also jealous that even the aces that I know are in relationships. I felt all alone drowning in a pile of lab reports and snow because it’s too cold to go barefoot for more than 30 seconds.

Yes, Aram, I’m all alone and don’t have any support right now. My suite mate hates me, my parents keep thinking that the uni I go to isn’t a real uni, classes are overwhelming, CAPS doesn’t do anything except for try to talk things out, and the only person not yelling at me right now isn’t even a person. It’s a pot of stew that I’m cooking with a electric cooker against housing regulations sitting on the windowsill.

For me it’s probably not “all in one kiss” as the lyrics go (considering that I’m literally not a people person), but there’s something missing that could turn me from a zombie-mushroom (sitting in the dark at my laptop and eating food that I didn’t make myself) into my normal, pre-uni-workload self. I wonder what it is…

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