A Silent Storm of Siren-Thoughts

The last time I wrote that there were “voices in my head” from the Ohrwurm Network in English class a while ago, I got sent to the counselor’s office to make sure I wasn’t schizophrenic (which I’m not). Countless online surveys and discussions later, I found out that I’m probably ADHD instead. (Note: It’s still “probably”, because there’s no way my family will ever let me get diagnosed for this.)

If by “siren” they mean “ridiculous, infinitely long train of thought in my head that doesn’t have any rule or pattern except for 6 Degrees of Separation,” then great job Malcolm Lincoln, you’ve pretty much summarized my entire week at uni. And just like the sirens in mythology, they’re great at drawing my attention away from what I’m supposed to be paying attention to (e.g. relevant classes).

Because I can’t turn them off, it turns into a major problem that I don’t know how to deal with. Papers turn into random thought processes while other assignments go by undone because something else grabbed my attention first: I think about food in the lab, every other sentence my profs say turn into song lyrics from the Ohrwurm Network, and one thought leads to the next and further on until that report on analyzing/explicating this poem turns into a recipe for turnip cake.

Something’s messed up, and I can’t do anything about it. Because I can’t get diagnosed, all I have is caffeine. A little in the form of a bottle Mountain Dew helps me to focus and tune out the siren-thoughts for 2 hours at only the price of $1.50 and a mild headache. However, if I try to up the dosage to diluted coffee (which tastes disgusting anyways), it doesn’t work. For $0.37 more I’ll get a splitting headache and want to go to sleep. Yes, there won’t be any siren-thoughts because there are no thoughts, just pain.

Give me time and give me strength, Give me strength to carry on. Give me bit of hope now, help me through the night…to stop me from being tired and annoyed at not being able to think and talk in a straight line, to calm this silent storm inside me…

And someday I’ll be calm…and not an irritable zombie working on assignments the day before…

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